One Handed Handstand, Old School Style

How cool is the one handed handstand?
How much cooler would it be to curl up, dip the chest slowly till it touches the floor then slowly, with control, press up into a two handed handstand? After holding the two handed handstand for a spell, shift your weight to one side and raise the opposing limb upwards so you are poised on a single arm?
Pretty damn cool I would dare say.

Want to know how? Read on Grasshopper.

Want to know what brought this on? Answer: MTV.
While I am not a big fan of MTV, I do have to say I am quite entertained with the show “America’s Best Dance Crew.” If you get a chance you would do well to check it out, especially the JabbaWockeez hip hop timeline. While the “Ultimate Handstand” is not performed as I described above it can be seen often in the form of “Freeze’s.”
This Thursday marks the finals for this season, but it was last weeks “battles” you really want to check out. They are re-running it several times through the day leading up to the finals as this is one of those text your vote deals and they certainly want to elicit as many votes as possible.
Even if you are not a fan of hip-hop or dancing the flexibility, agility, and athleticism exhibited are quite remarkable. I am still in awe at the head spin done in the last battle leading up to the finals. Mind blowing!
Check it out, it gets the JJCrewguy seal of approval.
Who knows next season we may even see Renegade Training’s own Grant lead a crew into competition. Hmmm….. I wonder if Jory or Moody can break dance? What about you Doyle? Coach? Did Grant instruct you in the fine arts?

Ahh Grasshopper you wish to rise to the Mountain’s Summit?
A one handed handstand you say? A Freeze? The Ultimate?
Walk through cut grass before you fly over the meadow young cricket-san. Implement the Crouch Balance daily.

Return only when mastered:


The Crouch Balance:
This training maneuver will help strengthen the wrists and arms. Only when these are properly strengthened can you hope to support and then adjust your bodyweight cricket-san. Only then will you be powerful enough…..
Crouch down, place hands flat on floor (about a foot in front of knees), splay fingers out with index pointing straight ahead. Brace inner thighs against elbows and slowly lean forward putting your full weight on the wrists and hands. Head position should be forward and upward. The maneuver will resemble a tripod, but knees are outside elbows not on top and head is off the ground not on.
Practice till perfect. Return then.

Warning: Do not try this at Home!

Ice chills my neck.
Ice chills my knee.
Heat warms my back.
Fresh popped popcorn delights my mouth.
The television says channel 105.
The Dolby Surround Sound is cranked and my subwoofer is rocking the house.
The phone is not going to get answered and the world could be aflame, but I really don’t care. I am exactly where I want to be in the universe on a Monday. In my basement.

Pop Quiz Hot Shot. What is on the tube?

Yep, you guessed it. Wrestling.
Yeah, you might have guessed Wrestling was on, but I can guarantee you can not guess where this blog is heading. Go ahead, try.
Times up Hot Shot, you failed.

One more chance, one more pop quiz.
Which of the following should carry a “WARNING” sticker?
Taco Bell or Skateboarding?

I have seen it a hundred times, perhaps two hundred. I am sure you have seen it too, you know that pesky Taco Bell commercial where everyone has big long strings of cheese coming out of their mouths. They play it continuously on the few shows I choose to watch (yeah, I know we'll talk about my viewing pleasures later). Well despite having seen this commercial a hundred plus times I just noticed something last night I never seen before. In the scene where there is an older guy (looks like a magistrate of some sort) sitting on stairs with a kid holding a skateboard, both eating tacos, a small warning flashes on the bottom of the screen. “Warning: Professional Skateboarders, do not attempt.” I am paraphrasing of coarse as the warning was only their for a blink and the commercial is definitely not tape worthy. At first I could not believe what I saw, but when the commercial was re-run it was their again. Blink, and it was gone. I really had trouble figuring out why the warning was there. In the back ground there were two kids riding skate boards, and one did perform a miniscule ollie in the brief one second blip, but come on. Is that really warning worthy? What kind of Nancy boys have we become? A warning for riding a skateboard on flat ground with full safety gear? Even the kid eating the taco had his safety gear on! Be for real folks!
What I want to know, Hot Shot, is why were their no other warnings?
Warning: Fast Food is bad for your heart.
Warning: Fast Food has not nutritional value, none, zero, zip, zilch.
Warning: Fast Food is bad for the body, mind and soul.
Warning: Probably contains one or more of the following: Estradiol, Progesterone,
Testosterone, Zeranol, Trenbolone acetate, Melengesterol. (ooh the guys at my gym are reading that line again.)
Warning: Contains multiple Antibiotics. (sorry kiddies won't prevent acne, or keep you from getting sick)
Warning: The following has been Irraditated.(Yes radiation, Homer.)
Warning: May cause Cancer.

I could go on, but you get the point. Oooh, let me re-phrase that. If your Renegade you get the point and the point of this blog.

Ah Grasshopper here is your advice for the day in case the above was too cryptic: Skinned flesh and broken bones heal easier than cancer, and tell a much better tale.

Eat good wholesome food. Eat grass fed beef, limit those grains, and eliminate that soda.

If you heed my advice you just may be able to stick that ollie a little higher than the rest and possibly keep up with me.

The Black Knight

How do you handle injury?

Do you "overcome adversity?"

Do you cower and quit under duress?

Do you continually find lame excuses?

My Question for you is:

Are you Black Knight worthy?

Read on and then ask yourself again.

Through the narrow slit of the Green Knight’s helm a sword is driven sending blood spaying. Upon the hilt the Black Knight grasps and pulls his sword free. Blood starts to form a lake at his feet.
“You fight with the strength of many men, sir knight.” Another knight asks.
The Black Knight says nothing.
“I am Arthur, king of the Britons.”
Silence blankets the land.
“I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me at my
court at Camelot.”
Silence again.
“You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?”
Silence yet again.
“You make me sad. So be it! Come, Patsy!”

“None shall pass!” The Black Knight finally bellows.
“What?”
“None shall pass!” The Black Knight repeats.
“I have no quarrel with you, good sir knight, but I must cross
this bridge.”
“Then you shall die!” says the Black Knight.
“I command you, as king of the Britons, to stand aside.”
“I move for no man!” The Black Knight taunts.
“So be it!”

The two battle in a heated duel with Arthur eventually landing a shot that severs the Black Knight’s arm off. Blood spays quite profusely. (Unfortunately the Black Knight had not been training Renegade. His movements are quite slow. Was Hammer Strength or Nautliss in the gyms back then?)

“Now stand aside, worthy adversary.” Arthur the apparent victor speaks looking at the severed arm.
“Tis but a scratch.” The Black Knight responds.
“A Scratch. Your arm's off!”
“No it isn't!” The Black Knight counters
“Well what's that then?” Arthur points to the arm on the ground.
“I've had worse.” The Black Knight responds.
“You Liar!” Arthur yells.
“Come on, you pansy!” The Black Knight taunts.

Another battle ensues and the Black Knight loses his other arm. Really should have logged on to Renegade Training.com

Arthur kneels to the ground,
“Victory is mine! We thank thee Lord, that in thy mercy—“
The Black Knight kicks Arthur on his side.
“Come on, then!” He yells kicking Arthur again.
“What?!?”
“Have at you!” the Black Knight continues kicking.
“You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight
is mine!”
“Ohhh, had enough, eh?” The Black Knight continues.
“Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!”
“Yes I have!”
“Look!”
“Just a flesh wound!” The Black Knight responds kicking at Arthur again.
“Look, stop that!“Chicken! Chicken!” The Black Knight taunts.
“Look, I'll have your leg!”
The Black Knight does not quit.
“Right!” Arthur yells chopping off the Black Knight’s leg.
“Right! I'll do you for that!” The Black Knight yells hopping on one leg.
“You'll What?”
“Come 'ere!” the Black Knight tells Arthur.
“What're you going to do, bleed on me?”
“I’m invincible!” The Black Knight yells.
“You're a looney....”
“The Black Knight Always Triumphs! Have at you!” The Black Knight yells hopping around as he attempts to kick Arthur.
With a shrug and swing of his long sword Arthur severs the Black Knights remaining limb. On the ground the Black Knight realizes he can’t move.
“Okay, we'll call it a draw.” He says in fairness.
“Come, Pasty!” Arthur rides off.
“Oh! Had enough, eh? Come back and take what's coming to you, you yellow bastards!! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!”

If you have not seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail you owe to yourself to see this “Classic” if only for this one scene.
http://www.intriguing.com/mp/holygrail.asp

Here is where I copied the script from before adding my flair.
http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_scripts/knight.asp

Remember the Black Knight when you flee to the couch because your toe hurts or the doctor just prescribed you some drug you don’t really need to handle some minor discomfort.
Remember the Black Knight when you bail out of one of my training sessions to go smoke pot and get suspended from school.
Remember the Black Knight when you cry to me you want to be the best on the Soccer field this season and bail after two rounds of GPP because you were out partying the night before.
Remember the Black Knight when you stick that needle in your butt in an effort to fix an imbalance that could be fixed through sweat and dedication.
Remember I am Renegade, I am not in it for the money. I am not in it to waste my time.
I am in it to “improve the quality of your life.”

Riddle me this... Why do I wrestle? pt.2

“Wham!”
“Oomph!”
“Pow!”
“Kaboom!”
Darkness momentarily settles atop the brilliant flashes light.
No, Adam West is not about to appear and save the day. Neither is his sidekick Burt Ward. This is not the 60’s but rather Saturday March 1, 2008 and I am laying on my back seeing stars. While I do have a nifty Goth like belt holding up my leather pants it is certainly no “Utility Belt” and most definitely does not hold any “Anti-Mega Spray” or “Anti Shark Repellant.” This unfortunately is what happens when an angry 6’8” 400lb man nails you with a size 15 boot. You see stars and think your in some wacky episode of the original Batman. You also think “this was not in the plan.”
Checking my jaw to make sure it is not broken I craw to the ropes, it is the only way I am going to get back to my feet and make a tag. I pull myself up and “Wham!”
A fist greets my chin. Off I go into the ropes opposite. The ropes stretch and then I am shot like a marble leaving a wrist rocket into the waiting boot of Mega, yet again. This time I go down hard and think “Eccentric, Concentric” for some odd reason. Don’t know what I am talking about? Your not Renegade then.
It is just a matter of breaths before all 400lbs comes crashing upon my chest. I like my ribs, I really do. By some miracle, my manager Sebastian Night is up on the ring apron. Now he looks like he just came out of an episode of Batman, some sort of genetic mutation of the Joker, Penguin and the Riddler all in one. And yes the Riddler was the coolest!
Mega sees him and promptly forgets about breaking some ribs. I sure as hell am not going anywhere. As Mega grabs Sebastian and delivers a drawn out thunderous punch a cane magically slides before me. I grab the cane and struggle to my feet with its aid. The behemoth turns….
“Wham!” Into his gut I drive the cane with all I got. By my side Burt Ward appears and motions for the neck. Around the neck I wrap my arm. “Go,” he shouts and into the canvas we both drive Mega’s head.
“Who sucks now?” I yell to the crowd before hi-fiving my partner. The crowd most definately thinks I still do. I turn for the cover, and…..”Splat!” The Beast clotheslines both me and my sidekick at a dead run. He is pissed!
We just spent a good 5 minutes beating him down with an arsenal of offensive maneuvers and he is making up for all of it in one move. Over the top rope and onto the hard gym floor I crash nearly atop my fallen manager. A breath later, the Beast is falling atop me having been dumped by the team of Trouble, and Robere.
One, two, three! Our Victory, our number one contender slot, our chance at gold, stolen in a heartbeat by a pair of 150 lb wimps! A victory so cheesy, so unbelievable, it could only be an episode of the original Batman! No, not the movie kiddies! The TV show!
This is why I wrestle.

Ah Grasshopper riddle me this from 1966:
“What is always coming, but never arrives?
Quickly, Quickly!”

“........Tomorrow. For when it arrives it is today, and today my dear rodents, should prove to be most memorable!” The Riddler, Frank Goshin, 1966?

Ah much too easy Grasshopper. Try another.

“There were three men in a boat with four cigarettes and no matches. How did they manage to smoke?” Asks the Riddler.
“They threw the cigarette overboard and made the boat a CIGARETTE LIGHTER!” Come on Grasshopper, if Robin got it in 1966 you should have too!

Is this the end of the riddles? Will our hero ever get the titles? Did you have to cheat? Do you know what eccentric and concentric mean now?
Answers tomorrow…same Bat time….same Bat channel.

Why I Wrestle pt.1

The announcer, Josh “Buffer”, is talking, but I am not listening. I am just staring into a curtain of darkness holding RX pos #1 in an effort to keep the hips loose, they are.
“Okay, now.” Sebastion says. I had not even realized our music had been cued but I am through the curtain and yelling “I got the skill, who can match me? No-one! You ain’t got skill you noodle armed choirboy!” I yell at the group of kids that had run up to guardrail. I recognize them from last month and lay into them with a few other lines before spotting my some new prey for this month.
There on the opposite side of the ring, near were the “pretty boys” come out, I see exactly what I am looking for, all wearing their shirts from a recent “Special Olympic” competition. With purpose I stride across the gym floor my eyes fixed.
“You say something punk? What? Oh you think you got skill? Let’s see what you chumps got. I will take you, you and you, yeah you in the wheelchair trying to slither away, on! Right now! Come on Nancy Boy, unlock that brake and wheel it on around. In the ring now! C’mon punks, those Olympic medals don’t mean squat here!” Three more kids rush up in defense, all wearing yellow shirts too. I move right up to the guardrail and stick my forehead against their leader who is turning red as he yells furiously and gives me a push.

This is why I wrestle.

Normally any physical contact on either side of the guardrail is forbidden, but I made an exception in this case. “Did you see that! Hot Shot get over here!” I scream. My partner Hot Shot Mike Reed is sharing the same look as some of the parents in the other sections of the gym have plastered upon their faces. Rookies, I think to myself.
Reluctantly my partner comes over and I get him involved in the tirade. This is where my former partner, a master in this area of wrestling J.R.Ryder excelled. Hot Shot still has not got it yet.
In the background I can see the kid’s dad laughing his ass off as he takes picture after picture. Perfect, just as I planned. The crowd is really getting upset at this point.

This is why I wrestle.

Security comes over because it looks to be a breath away from becoming out of control.
“JJ sucks! Over rated!” I can hear the chants starting. A few posters saying such appear. Even better. I snatch them out of hands yelling whatever comes to mind.
“Aimed at you were the cowboys from hell.

Deed is done again, weve won

Aint talking no tall tales friend

cause high noon, your doom

Comin for you were the cowboys from hell”
Pantera is blasting over the speakers and I realize it is well into the song and I need to get in the ring. As I make a quick stroll along the outside of the ring an older guy races out of the bleachers getting right in my face, one leg through the guardrail. Despite having spent too much time already yelling at fans I still feel obligated. I see three more older guys a few seats down. They are sitting with arms crossed, looking bored. Though unrelated to the first I start unleashing my fury upon them. No one will ever be bored in one of my matches! One even has a sleeveless shirt on, heh, heh, heh, why not send me an invitation next time. I make some reference to zits and his biceps before realizing the song is over and I really need to get in the ring. Believe it or not I actually have some wrestling to do.

This my friends is why I wrestle.

Tune-age of the day: Cowboys from Hell, Pantera

Ah Grasshopper, More training I see is in order. Ponder the following:
“You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments that stand out, the moments when you have really lived, are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.” – Henry Drummond